My family of origin

My therapist says I have a problem with justice. She also says that I can't seem to break from my family of origin, despite the fact that I live half a country away from them. I know that I'm seriously conflicted. No matter how much I miss my family and feel an obligation to them, the idea of living out my days in middle America makes me a little queasy.

Don't get me wrong - the HGTV junkie in me is completely aware of the fact that I could buy a big ol' farmhouse on several acres for $200,000 less than I'm spending on 300 square feet in New York City. And yet I can't seem to bring myself to do it. What is it about needing to live "in the middle of it all?" It was probably that damn Tom & Jerry cartoon "Mouse in Manhattan." Jerry forsakes life with Tom in the country and heads to the big city where he stows away on a train that takes him right into Grand Central. He then wanders around, seeing the sites, taking in the grandeur that is New York City. I was completely mesmerized by his experience and wasn't even swayed when it all went terribly, horribly wrong in the end and he high-tales it back to the boonies and that old devil he knows, Tom the cat.

But cartoon mice aside, there is something in me that just won't let me move back to the breadbasket and "settle down," even when it all goes terribly, horribly wrong, which it seems to do on a semi-regular basis. OK, maybe not TERRIBLY, HORRIBLY wrong - I've never been to jail (Good Lord -I just realized there's no wood anywhere near me) and I somehow keep hanging in there, be it by the grace of God or the goodwill of friends and family.

So - despite not living in the same city as my parents, I've never been able to make the very necessary, healthy break that will enable me to really grow up. I know that I need to lay down their pain - the pain that I've been carrying around all these years because I believed it was my duty, even though they never asked me to. It's time to lay it down and head down a different path because I want to go down it, not because I believe I'm obligated to take it.

So...is this me...laying down this pain...? I'll let you know if I notice any difference in my shoulders tomorrow.