Aim Adjustment

I spent the better part of my day with a bunch of coworkers traveling to and from a wake. I mean, it sounds like a joke, right? "A group of coworkers went to a wake..."

So there I am, trapped in a van with nothing to do but listen in on the conversation of four women, all of whom are getting married in the near future. They discussed ad nauseum the number of wedding dresses they had tried on, the numerous meetings they'd had to take with various caterers, their favorite trends in cake design, what islands they were considering for their honeymoons and even their favorite baby names.

And all I could think is "Jesus, I've got NOTHING in common with any of these people." It wouldn't be a big deal except that THESE people, these coworkers and fellow passengers of this Econoline van, make up the sum total of just about everyone I know in New York City, which is where I now live. For better or for worse. And I wonder why I'm depressed.

Truth be told, I've been trying to keep some sort of perspective in the midst of being dealt a number of challenges from the universe. I'm in financially dire straits yet again. It is a state of being I'm far too familiar with, having been broke most of my 41 years. And at a certain point you kind of have to ask yourself what you're doing wrong. I mean, I work hard, don't I? I went back to school in my thirties and got my degree and set about getting what I thought would turn out to be my dream career.

When I got my "promotion" after four long years as one of the oldest assistants in the department, everyone was thrilled, telling me no one deserved it more. And now I'm alone and broke in NYC, but I get to be a publicist for a big movie studio in the greatest city in the world. But it could seriously be worse - I don't live in Japan. Gotta keep reminding myself of that.

But I also gotta ask myself, what am I doing here in this current situation and how do I get myself OUT of it? And moreover, why am I always in a situation I need to get myself out of? Why does everyone in the office seem to have a better quality of life that includes traveling and theater tickets and shoes and restaurants? Clearly I'm missing the mark. Not sure if it's bad eyesight, a faulty bow, crooked arrows or weak triceps, but I seriously need to readjust my aim.